Crashing
by mollayyy
Summary: It’s weird that I’m sixteen and just finding out that I can’t handle everything life is throwing at me. I thought that I could handle everything, but apparently I can’t.
1. Chapter 1

_It's weird that I'm sixteen and just finding out that I can't handle everything life is throwing at me. I thought that I could handle everything, but apparently I can't. This is the story of how my seemingly perfect life came crashing down. But hopefully this crash isn't the end of my story, because like every little girl has, I've dreamed of a happy ending. _

I can remember it so vividly, it felt hot, sticky. My head started to pound and a few drops of sweat were resting on my brow. I reached a clammy hand to the back of my neck, trying to wipe off some sweat and then lifted my hair off my shoulders hoping for a light breeze, but it didn't come. I let out a groan and a few people looked up at me, but I only noticed one in particular. He split into a wide grin, that goofy smile that could make anybody happy. Being the idiot I am, I smiled like a big oaf and then realized he was trying to get someone else's attention, not making me feel any better.

I glanced behind me to see Ponyboy Curtis working on his test paper intently. I looked back in front of me to see Two-Bit still trying to distract him with no success and suddenly our eyes met. I looked down at my desk quickly as I felt my face grow so hot that I swear it could have been turning purple. Of course he wouldn't be smiling at me after everything between us. I glanced back up to see if he was still looking and saw him talking to another boy behind him. He was smiling and snickering. His antics, although not meant for me, oddly enough, set an old happiness in the pit of my stomach, somewhat calming me.

I sat up in my seat and lightly shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts a bit. I pick up my pencil and start tapping it on the desk with a sigh, praying for just one answer to come to mind. No luck. Rolling my eyes I looked toward the clock seeing I had only half a minute before school was over. This isn't as reassuring as his smile.

Five … four … three … two … one. The bell sounded, receiving some pale-faced grimaces from those of us who hadn't finished the test. I didn't bother to worry about it since there was no question what-so-ever that I had failed. Hopefully it won't affect my grade too badly, not that anyone but me cared.

I pushed up from my seat, not bothering to take my exam and hand it in on my way out. Sophomore year was finally over and it saddened me that nothing much had changed since last summer. I strolled to my locker, not joining in on the frantic escape from school since I was in no rush to get home.

Cleaning my locker out took little time and I was soon making my way to the door with my bag and a few books and old paper that needed to be thrown out. Trying to get to the trash can to dispose of all of the now useless school supplies I was holding in the crook of my arm, I started my down the hall.

All of the sudden the wind was knocked out of me and I was on the floor, all of my things scattered across the busy hallway. I took in a sharp breath having an all too familiar scent entering my nostrils. There was a large weight pinning me to the ground and it was shaking with laughter, who else would it be? He pushed up onto his hands and I found myself facing something else that was extremely familiar. Not just his face, his eyes, his beautiful reddish hair and sideburns, but the position we were in.

Seeing who his victim was he started to laugh lightly and I found my cheeks turning crimson because of Two-Bit Matthews for a second time that day. A wave of confusion set over me because of the sudden closeness. It brought back the good memories we had together, slightly pushing the more recent bad to the back of my mind.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Bonnie McBride. Fancy meetin' you here …" he drawled out with a chuckle. It's hard having him act so normal. I felt his hot breath on my lips and I was ready to just stay there, forgetting about the past and everything else whirling on around us. As shallow as Two-Bit may seem at times, it's amazing how deep his eyes appear. I could drown in those pools of smoky grey.

He seemed to be deep in thought for a few seconds before an odd look cam over his face, one of realization, and he quickly removed himself, to my disappointment. He brushed off his jean jacket and then bent back down, taking me by the elbows and helping me to my feet. My legs were wobbly and my head dizzy. I tried to convince myself it was the heat and I didn't miss him as much as I did, but it was no use.

"Sorry about that Bon-Bon – um, Bonnie …" He stuttered over his old nickname for me. He glanced around rather awkwardly for the extrovert he was, "Lemme help ya with those," gesturing to the books lying around.

I couldn't find words, my mind lost in thought. I was remembering the last time we saw each other as a couple, convincing myself that I shouldn't be feeling all these butterflies in the pit of my stomach for this boy. I couldn't let him in again. I could handle what he had done, I could handle just about anything, but at that moment I doubted my ability to handle his cheating again.

"Bonnie?" He waved a hand in front of my blank face. I snapped back into reality, leaving behind the night I had seen him asleep with another girl in a room at Buck's. He was drunk; at least I still had that. Two-Bit hadn't been completely alert when it happened. Even though I let myself believe it in my mind that he didn't mean to, I couldn't bring myself to take him back when he had pleaded his case with me the next afternoon when he was picking me up for a date.I had been steeming in my living room and when i heard him bounding up the creaky porch steps and knock on the door, i had rushed to answer. He looked terrible and guilty, the sad look on his face almost made me want to forget aboiut the previous night. I let him take me to the Dingo, the whole time we had stayed relatively quiet, he didn't even kiss me once. He started to stutter over having to tell me something and i just broke. I loudly confronted him about what I had witnessed in front of everybody in the crowded diner. He pleaded, begged, but i couldn't take him back at the moment, the wound was too fresh.

I giggled awkwardly, trying to act natural, thinking i might be over it, since that had been over a month ago. I shook my head, mentally scolding myself for letting him see me act so awkwardly, my face turning a light pink, "Oh, that's ok, I was just gonna throw all that our anyway, we can just leave it." He grinned widely.

"Still leaving messes for people to clean up, I see." He teased good-naturedly, trying to be as normal as possible. He did make it seem much more effortless than I did. I picked up my purse slowly, catching him get brief peek of my exposed legs as I bent down, triumphant that I still held his attenion.

"Nope, that's your job, I'm sure you can recall," I snapped as I briskly pulled the large leather bag over my shoulder. Instictively I shot a dirty look his way, remembering the pain he caused. It seemed that I was the master of mixed signals at that moment.

He shook his head with a slightly hurt look on his face but soon covered it up with an amused expression, "Huh, just as much trouble as I remember."

"Causing trouble is also your job-"

"Now now, little lady," he cut me off with a slight grin, "don't you go pinning your rabble-rousing on me, a fine, upstanding citizen." I scoffed and noticed Ponyboy walking in the crowed toward us, probably looking for his ride. "You should really stop trying to get all of this attention, that attack of yours was rather violent, you had me on the floor!" he went on.

"Now just you wait Two-Bit-"

I was once again cut off, "Just because you feel a need to be close to me" I blushed at that, since I did initially enjoy his closeness, "doesn't mean you can put forth such a public display of affection just cause ya dig me." Ponyboy was standing right off Two-Bit's shoulder by now chuckling at the small amount of our encounter he had witnessed.

Pony shook his head with a smile, "You two never change, always causing some kind of commotion." Two-Bit gave him a warning glance and then turned his attention back to me.

He was about to say something but I just shook my head, gave an exasperated grunt and pushed my way past the two of them and through the door and into the summer heat. Ha, I could still take his incessant banter. I told myself I had had that under control and I would have won that small battle if Pony hadn't shown up.

Relieved that school was over for the summer and there was less of a possibility of seeing him every day, I made my way home with a slight bounce in my step. As I got thinking more and more about my feelings toward him, a cocky smirk came to play on my lips. If that was all that Two-Bit Matthews could dish out to the girl he had lost but obviously wanted back, maybe she could handle him. Maybe she could handle just about anything life threw her way.


	2. Chapter 2

There wasn't much to do at home. It was around four o'clock and I was sitting in the heat of my room with the window opened and a fan blowing on me since we didn't have air conditioning. There was a book in my lap, _Gone With the Wind_, but I wasn't really reading it. I was staring at the crisp new cover remembering how it had come into my possession.

I was over the Curtis' house last year when I had gotten partnered with Soda for a Biology project. Their parents were still alive and the house was bursting with the activity of a close knit family and friends. Mrs. Curtis was cooking and Mr. Curtis was reading the paper in big chair while Ponyboy and his friend Johnny were talking quietly about a movie they had just seen.

That house was so alive, not that it hadn't been since the untimely death of the Curtis parents, but it just felt different from how it is now. There was a racket coming up the steps and I sat quietly as I saw Soda shoot up to meet his friends. They all came in loudly, goofing around until Mrs. Curtis said dinner was ready. We ate all around since there wasn't enough room at the kitchen table. His one friend, Two-Bit, had know by seeing him in passing at school and boy was he a flirt. I mostly ignored his banter though and listened intently as Ponyboy animatedly described the movie they had seen, _Gone With the Wind. _I voiced my interest in it when he mentioned it was a book and asked if he owned it but he didn't. I must have looked disappointed. We went on talking for a while and later Soda and i decided we wouldn't be getting any more work done that night so he and his best friend Steve walked me home.

The next day I walked into Biology class and there was the book sitting on my desk. I looked to Soda with a questioning look thinking the handsome charmer had gotten me a copy of the book his brother had told me about. He shook his head no and shrugged knowing what I was thinking. I sat down and opened the cover. There was a note.

_Hey Bon-Bon, thought you'd like the book, I got a discount. It looks interesting for a book, we should go out to the Dingo and chat about it after school. I'll meet you by the outside steps._

_Two-Bit_

I chuckled in the remembrance of my first date with him. Thank god we didn't talk about the book, knowing now how uninterested he is in literature. We hit it off right away and he called me Bon-Bon the whole time. We met after school the next day too and then went to the nightly double that Friday. Our relationship progressed quickly and we were soon going steady. It all started with having the most handsome boy in class being my partner and then a stupid book that I never got around to reading.

My daydreaming came to a complete halt when my fan stopped working. I groaned, knowing I'd have no idea how to fix it. It's not like my house was giving me any entertainment, so I decided to get changed out of my school clothes and checked to see if my makeup was running. I reapplied some dark eyeliner to emphasize my blue eyes and then let my blonde curls loose and onto the back of my shoulders.

I kicked on some pumps and walked out of my empty house and down the street toward the Dingo which is where I assumed most of my friends would be since we didn't have any more school and it was one of the only cold places to go and hang out short of a library.

On my way there I passed Two-Bit's house and paused for a second at the railing, gazing up to his bedroom window and wondering where he was at the moment. Suddenly the door opened and I jumped a bit. I looked up and to my horror saw him trotting toward me with his normal amused expression.

He seemed to be at a loss of what to say so I figured I'd beat him to the punch and try to act natural, "Fancy meetin' you here" I said with a cocky smile.

"Now where have I heard that before?" he asked with a slight laugh referring to our encounter at school. I shrugged and plastered an innocent and mock confused look across my flushed face. "Hmmm, you of all people at a loss for words, I'm not sure what to say…"

Now that surprised me, "Right back at ya," I retaliated quickly, "Where's that famous two-cents of yours that you always have to get in?" I joked, desperately trying to avoid being asked why I was there or falling into an awkward silence. I gave a small smirk.

He held up his hands in mock surrender, "Hey, hey, hey! Why so cruel?!" He asked dramatically, "I'm hurt!" I cocked an eyebrow at him, a trait of his that was contagious. "You should give me a kiss to make it better." He said with a sly grin followed by a kissy face, by now the only thing between us was the broken down picket fence. He was less than a foot away.

My eyes felt like they were welling up with tears, I missed him so much. The grin left his beautiful face and now he really was at a loss for words. "Okay." And without thinking I threw my arms around him and pressed my lips against his.

He didn't react at first but after deepened the kiss I felt him move closer, snaking his strong arms around me. It was getting difficult for him to bend down so far and for me to be so high up on the tips of my toes; my 5'2 stood no match to his 6'1. He pulled me up off the ground just like he used to, with only the fence stopping me from melting into his grasp completely.

It was quickly becoming a hook up, but at its height I broke it off. He looked at me with a smile until he saw the tears streaming down my face. At that point I didn't know if it was because he cheated, that I still loved him, that I let myself do what I just did, or that I was plain out confused.

He may be a goofy teenager but he was so gentle at times. He wiped away my tears with a brush of his hand and then like it had done so many times before, brushed a wisp of my hair out of my face and played with the curl, "Bon-Bon – ".

I ran.


	3. Chapter 3

My stomach was all butterflies and my heart was in my throat. I may have wanted him back, but I wasn't ready to feel all of that at once, all those feelings put together could only be one thing, love. I can handle Two-Bit, I can get over what he did, I can take him back, but I can't deal with it all at once. What I needed was a bit of time to clear my head.

So I kept on running. It must have been my imagination but I thought I heard footsteps pounding against the pavement behind me trying to catch up. I was a fast runner though and I had a long wind span that came from years of dance training. It was all useless though, running away from something is all the help it has ever been to me.

My body was throbbing by the time I reached the Dingo, I had a bit of a shine to my body from sweating but I wasn't too put out by the surprise sprint. I jogged my way up the steps and the door jingled as it opened. I stepped in, and the cool air refreshed me immediately. I looked around to see if my friends were around and to my luck I saw one right away.

Evie, she was by the jukebox looking at the music with some change in her hand. I called out to her, "Hey Evie!" She looked up almost instantly and had a smile to greet me with. As I walked toward her, her boyfriend Steve Randall came up behind her and enveloped her in a hug and kissed her neck.

I wanted to run out of there right away. Steve was here, meaning that his friends were probably going to show soon. I prayed mentally that Two-Bit was going to Buck's or something, I needed time to think before seeing him. Apparently that wasn't gonna happen though; Evie unraveled herself from Steve and waved me over, "Bonnie! Hey, do you wanna grab a bite with us?"

I couldn't very well say no, that would be rude, "Sure, that sounds great …" I trailed off, wiping under my eyes with my hands, suddenly self-conscious of my lingering tears. Evie must have sensed that there was something wrong because she told Steve to get us a table and dragged me to the ladies room by the wrist.

She pushed the door open, immediately pulled some paper towels out of the dispenser, handing them to me, and leaned on the counter of the sink. "What happened?" she asked bluntly with concerned eyes.

"Uhmm, nothing, I was just running." I walked over and turned the sink on, putting the towels under it and blotting under my eyes, cleaning up my running eye make-up. My face was only slightly blotchy, but mostly flushed from the running. I glanced over at her and with seeing her doubtful expression, turned back to the mirror. I rubbed my cheeks, trying to will the redness away from my unusually pale skin.

"You really expect me to believe that?" She asked skeptically. I looked over again, seeing her eyes set in determination. I sighed turning back to the mirror and touching up the make-up around my eyes with my fingers. She let out a frustrated groan, "Bonnie, you'd better tell me what's going on! You're not the type to be crying," I tried to start protesting about the crying without luck, "and don't you try to tell me you weren't. I'm not dumb and I can tell you weren't running for no reason. So are you gonna tell me or not? Cause I'm not planning on keeping my boyfriend waiting any longer." She finished. I could tell she wasn't really annoyed at me, just slightly impatient to get back to Steve, god knows why, with the boy being such a narcissistic ass and all.

"… Well?" She asked, urging me to tell her.

My face tensed slightly, trying to figure out exactly what to say. "Uh, well …" I sighed, not sure about what Evie would think of me practically making out with Two-Bit after breaking up with him for cheating. "Uhm, I just ran into Two-Bit, no big deal, silly, really."

Her hand reached for my shoulder from its place on the counter next to me. She pushed me back so she could see my face. I looked at her with reassurance, trying to convince myself more than her that I was okay. I was just so confused about everything. Is it right to feel things for him after he hurt me so bad? I guess I didn't convince her, from the look on her face. "What happened?" she asked, suddenly patient.

I shook my head, not really wanting to talk about it. I turned so I was leaning on the counter next to her. "It doesn't matter," I brushed it off quickly, putting a bubbly smile on. "How's my make-up looking?" I asked with a giggle, trying to be my light-hearted self.

She looked unsure, but her expression changed with a smile and a laugh, "Horrific." She stated laughing harder. I gave a fake sad look. "Here, I'll fix it." She pulled her bag from over her shoulder and pulled out her make-up. I didn't even move to put it on myself, exhausted physically and emotionally, but luckily Evie took the reins and fixed me up quickly.

"Okay, I think you're good." She finished. I turned to look and saw that I looked normal again. "Did you want lipstick?" she asked.

"Nah I'm good." I pursed my lips; they were a rosy red on their own. "Alright, we can go back out now." I said fluffing up my light curls and turning toward the door, Evie close in tow. "Hey, Evie?" I asked, turning back to her as I opened the door.

"Yeah?" she asked expectantly.

"Thanks" I said with a flash of a smile and then we walked out into the crowded diner. I looked around for Steve and Two-Bit caught my eye. He seemed quiet for his usual self, meaning he wasn't the loudest person there.

"You sure you don't wanna leave?" I hear Evie ask from behind me. "I could see Steve tomorrow…" she trailed off, obviously wanting to stay.

"It's fine." I said, taking a deep breath. It wasn't fine.


End file.
